Tensions may run high with Thanksgiving and the holidays occurring just three weeks after this year’s election. It’s natural to feel anxious about what conversations may unfold at the dinner table, especially when some family members aren’t shy about voicing their political opinions.
Thanksgiving and the holiday season offer a time to come together, reconnect, and strengthen our bonds. It’s a chance to relax, catch up, and cherish each other’s company. A family divided over politics runs counter to the true spirit of the day.
Today, we’ll share timeless tips and resources to navigate challenging topics and conversations around the holidays.
Politics and Family: Your Holiday Survival Guide
You may be wondering how to avoid talking politics with family or if it’s even possible. You can feel more prepared for your next family gathering by being self-aware, mindful of your needs, and setting boundaries, regardless of whether the topic comes up.
Surrender the Attachment to Changing Someone’s Mind
Many heated arguments unfold because individuals are attached to changing another’s belief system instead of accepting them as they are.
Instead of focusing on changing someone’s mind, it’s more helpful to find common ground outside of politics, such as shared memories, hobbies, or values that still bind you together as a family.
When politics become anchored into someone’s identity, a political disagreement can be perceived as a personal attack, which can be met with resistance or hostility. This dynamic can strain families, as both sides may feel misunderstood, judged, or even betrayed by one another.
During these situations, it’s important to recognize that you may be unable to change the other person’s views or make them see things from your perspective. It’s okay to disagree.
Self Awareness: Know Your Triggers
Be aware of triggers and check in with your emotions frequently. Alcohol and controversial topics often don’t mix. Families that consume alcohol may be more prone to political arguments if their judgment is impaired.
If a certain conversation triggers anxiety or anger, it’s important to recognize that feeling early on. Take a deep breath, pause, and assess whether engaging further will be productive or escalate tension. Setting personal boundaries, like stepping away from the conversation or calmly redirecting it, can help mitigate conflicts. Understanding your triggers and managing your reactions can promote healthier interactions and protect your emotional well-being. We’ll cover how to use redirection later on.
Avoid Becoming Defensive
Unhealthy tactics that involve blaming, name-calling, and dismissing someone’s beliefs only fuel further arguments.
It’s okay to have differing opinions. Beliefs are our preset filters based on our perceptions of our internal and external worlds. If you end up becoming involved in a political discussion that doesn’t appear to be resolved any time soon, you can respectfully end the conversation.
“It doesn’t appear that we will align on this topic, and you’re entitled to your own beliefs and opinions. To protect my peace, I accept that your viewpoint differs from mine and would like to end this conversation respectfully.”
Set Healthy Boundaries
Maintaining a relationship requires setting healthy boundaries around political discussions and choosing to avoid triggering topics in favor of preserving your connection.
Be kind but firm. People may react positively or negatively to your boundary, or it may take them by surprise. Compromising your boundaries by engaging in uncomfortable topics can be a response to a fear of upsetting someone or receiving a negative reaction. Relaxing your boundaries can also cause emotional distress, so it’s best to be honest with yourself and others about your limits.
It’s okay to set healthy boundaries and draw the line on what you will or will not discuss. How others respond to your boundaries is not your burden to bear, and you can only control how you respond in these types of situations.
Below are a few phrases you can borrow if a family member tries to elicit a response from you regarding the recent election:
“I prefer not to engage in political discussions where the outcome may be unproductive and would like to talk about _____ instead.”
Another phrase you can try is, “Thank you for taking an interest in me. However, I prefer to keep my preferences and opinions private as this appears to be a sensitive topic for many people right now.”
Use Redirection
Redirection is a powerful tool to influence the atmosphere around you. If someone can start a negative conversation, you have the power to start a positive one!
If your dinner conversation appears to be heading down a destructive path, actively change the topic by asking the person next to you something that allows them to talk positively about themselves, such as, “How was that trip out-of-state you had recently taken? What did you like most about it?”
Losing Family Over Politics
There are some things you can’t change. Despite our best efforts, some disagreements may be insurmountable. Losing family over politics can be one of the most painful and upsetting consequences of ideological divides. However, letting go of expectations and accepting that some things are beyond your control can help you cope with a strained relationship.
You can’t always change others, but you can choose how to respond. The best way forward is to take a step back and focus on what remains of the relationship. Acceptance is key in navigating difficult family dynamics. Accepting that you may never fully agree or understand each other’s viewpoints can be freeing, even though it might not restore the closeness you once had.
Prioritizing Your Mental Health During the Holidays
Outside of the election, the holiday season can be challenging for those struggling with their mental health, such as those with seasonal depression, anxiety, or other mental health diagnoses. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and seek out a support system if you don’t currently have one.
Associated Clinic of Psychology offers professional mental health support throughout Minnesota and Western Wisconsin. Our goal is to help you navigate the most difficult times and equip you with the tools and resources to become more resilient and empowered in your day-to-day life. Contact us using the form below to get started. For more tips and resources, visit our blog.
