Navigating anxiety is never easy, especially when it involves your child. As parents and guardians, we naturally want the best for our children, including their mental health. Helping an anxious child requires patience and a loving support system. If your child is experiencing anxiety, it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, but there are gentle and effective ways to support and guide them through this.

“Childhood anxiety disorders affect one in eight children” (ADAA, Anxiety Disorders – Facts & Statistics)

What Does Anxiety in Children Look Like?

Anxiety can look different depending on the child. However, specific symptoms may indicate that your child is feeling anxious. Knowing what to look for can help you understand how to help an anxious child.

1. Irritability. Children experiencing anxiety may become more irritable, often because they feel overwhelmed by a situation.
2. Avoidant Behavior. Anxious children often try to avoid certain places or activities. Common anxiety-inducing locations include school or outside, so you notice your child trying to steer clear of these environments. 
3. Reassurance. Children who struggle with anxiety often seek significant reassurance from their parents or guardians. They may also have difficulty separating from them.
4. Physical Symptoms. Symptoms such as upset stomach or headaches are common among anxious children, particularly when they encounter situations that trigger their anxiety.

How Do You Calm a Child With Anxiety 

Helping an anxious child can be complex, requiring patience and understanding. Here are some steps you can follow to help calm your child’s anxiety and improve their ability to manage it. 

1. Establish a Routine. Many children can develop anxiety over uncertainties. Establishing a daily routine provides them with a sense of security and predictability. 
2. Encourage Communication. Children dealing with anxiety should be encouraged to express their feelings openly. You can support them by validating their emotions and building a solid bond of trust. Some children may feel misunderstood by their parents; the best way to address this is by actively listening and reassuring them of your support.
3. Use Calming Techniques. There are tons of calming techniques you can use to help your child. For example, you can have them slow down their breathing by having them pretend to smell a flower and then blow out a birthday candle. Find the techniques that tend to work for your child. Practicing these on a regular basis is beneficial so they have a grasp of these techniques when they need to use them.
4.  Build Their Confidence. When developing a plan to support your child, it’s important not to promise that their fears or anxiety won’t happen, as this can create a false sense of security. Instead, reassure them that they are brave and capable of handling their fears, even when it feels tough. This approach fosters resilience and self-confidence.
5. Be a Healthy Role Model. Anxiety doesn’t just affect children; it affects parents and guardians as well. Let your child see or hear you healthily manage anxiety and stress. Children learn by watching their parental figures, so showing them that anxiety can be handled calmly and confidently can be positive for them. It can be helpful for an adult to share, “I am feeling anxious now,” and then model the calming techniques you can use. 

What is the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxious Children? 

The 3-3-3 rule is a calming technique. It consists of three steps that help ground and manage intense emotions: 

• Look Around. Name three things you can see. These can be shapes, colors, or patterns.
• Listen. Name three sounds you can hear.
• Move or Touch. Move or touch three items around you. 

What to Avoid When Helping an Anxious Child

Understanding how to help an anxious child involves avoiding certain language and behaviors that could worsen their anxiety. 

1. Invalidate Their Feelings. Steer clear of words or phrases that could make your child feel invalidated. Using phrases such as “don’t worry,” “it’s no big deal,” or “it’s all in your head” may not only make them feel dismissed but also possibly lose trust in you. 
2. Ask Leading Questions. Asking questions directly related to what’s causing your child’s anxiety, such as “Are you anxious about going to school?” could make it worse. Instead, asking open-ended questions can help your child reflect on how they’re feeling about their anxiety, for example: “How are you feeling about school tomorrow?”
3. Get Frustrated With Them. Anxiety is a complex feeling that many people have a hard time understanding, including children. When your child is feeling anxious, the last thing you should do is become frustrated with them. This will only lead to distrust and more stress and anxiety. 

When Is It Time to Seek Professional Help?

Anxiety is a natural response to certain situations, but it becomes concerning when it starts affecting your child’s daily life. When anxiety interferes with school, social interactions, or even leaving the house, take notice. If you see these behaviors persisting for more than a few weeks, seeking guidance from a mental health professional could provide valuable support for your child’s well-being.

Support Your Child’s Mental Health

No parent or guardian wants to see their child suffer from anxiety. Luckily, there are steps you can take to help ease your child’s worries and stress. Don’t hesitate to reach out and receive help from a mental health professional for additional support. 

At Associated Clinic of Psychology, we’re dedicated to helping families across Minnesota and Wisconsin navigate their mental health struggles and help them thrive. If your child is struggling with anxiety, please know that you can reach out to us. ACP is here to support you and your child every step of the way.